Questions to Ask Before Starting Couples Counseling

Couples counseling. Marriage therapy

Couples counseling can be the most rewarding and yet most challenging thing two partners can agree to engage in. Unfortunately, the decision to seek couples counseling often comes at a point of crisis when one, or both, partners feel that they have reached a point where they are questioning their commitment to the relationship and to each other.

While couples counseling can certainly be beneficial in times of difficulty, it tends to work best when couples find themselves at a point where they feel they need a deeper connection, or better methods of communicating with each other.

In either instance, if couples counseling is to be successful, it’s important to ask yourselves the following questions prior to reaching out to a therapist for help with the issues and problems you are struggling with.

1. What Are Your Expectations of Counseling?
Ask your partner what he or she expects from couples counseling. If your partner goes into counseling with the same hopes of saving the relationship that you do, then there is a good chance you can benefit from couples counseling.

2. What Are the Reasons You Want to Work Things Out?
Ask your partner what their reasons and motivations are for making the relationship work. If the responses center around love and commitment, the chances are you can work together to rebuild the relationship. If their response has to do with staying together for the children or the amount of bills you share, you may need to reevaluate the relationship.

3. Are There Any Past Conflicts We Should Resolve?
It’s hard to move forward if there are unresolved conflicts. Not only will the past keep coming up in future arguments, it’s hard to get close to someone if you are still angry about something they did whether it be a few dats ago, or even over the course of months or years. Find out if there are any unresolved issues and unspoken resentments that need to be addressed in counseling.

4. Do you Feel You Can Communicate With Me?
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication. If you can’t talk to one another comfortably, you will never be able to work through future problems. Counseling can help you to find new ways to improve communication with one another without judging or getting angry.

5. Do You Feel Accepted?
Find out if your partner feels loved and accepted by you. It’s important to have support, and even more important to gain acceptance from those you love. If your partner is feeling unappreciated, you need to work on finding ways to show your appreciation for them and your relationship.

6. How Do You See the Future?
Question your partner about how he or she views the future. Are you included in their vision, or is your partner more concerned with separate hopes and dreams? If you are still a part of the future, your partner hasn’t completely let go of the relationship.

7. Have We Tried Everything?
If you have made it to couples counseling, chances are you have just started to work on your relationship. One of the most important couples counseling questions you can ask your partner is “have we tried everything?” Focus on the reasons why you fell in love in the first place and discuss ways you feel you both can work toward getting that feeling back.

8. Are We Both Willing to Change In Order to Make Improvements?
Both of you have to be willing to work at the relationship in order to make it work. Before you make the commitment to begin couples counseling it’s important to ask your partner whether he or she is willing to put forth every effort to make things better, as long as you are prepared to do the same.

If you both feel you are ready to move forward and make the commitment to try counseling and begin working on improving your relationship, please reach out and call or email us today to set up an appointment. We are also happy to answer any questions you may have prior to the first session. We can be reached during normal business hours by phone at 913.353.4660. You may also email our office directly at: